Missed Opportunity- Losing My Daughter

I gave birth to Lori when I was 17. Her father left town as soon as he found out I was pregnant. I wanted to go to college and have a good life and since I wasn’t prepared for motherhood I decided to let my mother take care of Lori. A few years later, just after college, I got married. I now have a step-son, who is 18, and my husband, he and I all happily live together.

 

I had always intended on taking care of Lori, however I just never got to bringing her to live with me, so she still lives with my mother half way across the country. I worry about her a lot because I see her so rarely since she lives so far away. My mother seemed to have a handle on things. Lori used to get straight A’s and she is beautiful and was very popular in her high school. Recently, though, when I talk to my mother, she says that Lori has been having problems. She caught Lori having sex a few weeks ago, and even more recently she was suspended from school twice for fighting and cutting class. I decided soon after that, that I would have Lori fly over here to me for a few weeks, so I could actually get to know her, and maybe prevent her from getting into further trouble. I noticed some bad habits soon after she arrived. She turned very “gothy” looking, with piercing and tattoos. She dyed her hair jet black and she wears dark make-up and a little too much eye shadow. She wears short, tight skirts and stockings, and some of her shirts are really vulgar. She has one shirt with some band name written on it, and a satanic star below it, and she wore a crucifix with it as if there was nothing wrong. I’m shocked, because my mother raised her to be a good Christian. I looked at her computer to see if her music was appropriate. I looked through and found some hardcore death metal bands, and then something called “Dying Fetus”. Aside from her bad tastes in music and clothing, she also refuses to acknowledge her step brother. She completely ignores him, and she’ll leave the room if he comes in. I also tried to talk to her about sex. From what my mother told me, she came home one day and heard noises coming from Lori ‘s room. When she went to check what it was, she found Lori naked and cuffed to her bed post with a boy! Now, I know I got pregnant when I was her age, and I can’t say too much without being hypocritical, but I don’t want her to go through the same thing I did, and I certainly do not want her to allow anyone to handcuff her during sex! I tried to talk to her about it, and I told her that the boy she was with seemed sick. As it turns out, Lori told him to handcuff her. I was shocked again, and without thinking, I asked her if she wanted people to think she was a slut. This only made her start crying and she left the house. I am very worried about her. I’ve been feeling guilty because I am sure she is resenting me for making her live with my mother all her life, rather than with me. I think she hates my stepson because he got to live with me and my husband.

 

I lost a huge opportunity to teach my only daughter to make better decisions. She could have learned from my experiences and picked a better path then the one I fear she is going down. I regret missing the opportunity of not being there for her.